Sunday morning, I got up early and went to help dad by getting mom ready for church. Mom's Alzheimer's has made it hard for them to attend their church for the past year. They have been watching Pastor Dale Thompson's services on the television each Sunday. Dad mentioned that he would like to attend their church in the community if he thought he could get mom ready. She has refused to allow him to help her with any type of cleaning or changing clothing for quite some time now.
I know that he needs that connection with other people and so I told him I would come over on Sunday morning and get her ready with a bath and fresh cloths instead of doing it on Saturday as I usually do. She has allowed me to help her without much complaint until about two weeks ago. I must say it has become a test of wills. Last week when I tried, she gave me the "Mom Look", you know the one I mean. There was no way she was taking a bath and after that look there was no way I was making her. I felt just like a kid again. We did get the cloths changed though, but not without her becoming very upset.
So, Sunday morning I went over early to give her a bath and change her cloths, hoping to catch her in a better mood. When I arrived I could hardly get through the door because she was pushing her way out and saying, "I'm glad you're here. Let's go, right now, I want out of here." She was not by any means ready to go anywhere. Randy and I went on in the house and encouraged her to come back in and visit a bit. I explained that it was Sunday morning and I was going to help her get ready to go to church with dad. Immediately, I met resistance. She was not going to take a bath, change cloths, or be courteous about it. I tried everything I knew. I became the "mom", I begged, I resorted to bribery, I even pled, "Mom you made me promise that I wouldn't let you go dirty or wear dirty cloths. I'm trying to honor that promise." nothing worked. I would have tried tears, but by that time I was too frustrated to cry. In fact, I left for Church defeated. She won. You can't force a grown woman into a tub in any fashion that is respectful, or at least I haven't found a way.
I felt bad for her, I felt worse for my dad. How does he do it 24/7? I took him to have a medical procedure last week that required him to be put under for awhile. When they brought him back to the room the first thing he said, even while his eyes were shut was, "This is the best sleep I've had since your mom got sick." Then he said, "I wonder how my bride is?" She is always on his mind and heart. But it has to be beyond frustrating when the one who is on your mind doesn't even recognize or acknowledge your love or care.
Later that afternoon, I was thinking about the whole morning episode and these questions came like a weight in my heart, "How often do I ask God to cleanse me and not let there be a spot in my heart that is not pleasing to Him, and yet when He steps in to cleanse me, I refuse and even fight His loving care?" "How often do I live life and face circumstances with an attitude that says I don't acknowledge that I am on His mind and heart and that He is always lavishing His loving care over me?"
Wow! Heart Check! God, I not only want to be willing for you to cleanse me, but eager. I want my heart, mind, soul, and body to acknowledge your ever constant love and care and to lavish love back to you.
God, Thank you for what you are teaching me in the difficult times of Mom's Alzhiemer's disease. Bless my mom, she is still teaching me more about you, just as she has all my life.
Thank you, Mom. You were, are, and eternally will be, an amazing woman.
